


Is He Worth It?

by nebulathing



Category: VICTON (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Byungchan's POV, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, Self-Indulgent, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:08:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29436564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nebulathing/pseuds/nebulathing
Summary: Byungchan was doubting himself, his love and all these years he has spent waiting for Sejun.
Relationships: Choi Byungchan/Im Sejun
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Is He Worth It?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dukbeogi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dukbeogi/gifts).



> happy birthday best girl! it's nothing actually but i have made a promise to write sebyung for you so here it is, hope you like it! once again happy birthday, be happy and always happy!
> 
> and HAPPY ALICE DAY! alice, y'all are so amazing and deserve all the love in the world! 💙💛

“ _Is he worth all this_?” Subin asked me once again.

I have counted it precisely, it was the nineth times he asked me. I was tired. Maybe he thought the more he asks, I will realize at some point and give him the answer he wanted to hear. But no, I would definitely give him the same response as I did yesterday or last month or the other time.

I sighed loudly. ”I don’t know..”

“Byungchan hyung, please! If you don’t even know the answer, maybe it’s the way the universe gives you a hint to let him go.” He said flatly. With big dark circle under his eyes, he looked so worn even from my sight, working everyday for a graphic design company must be wearisome.

“Let’s talk about it later, we both were too tired to thinking straight, Subin.”

+++

I glanced at the clock. It was eleven at night and I was already sleepy from all the work today but sadly, Subin had another idea.

“I’m not saying this over and over again for you to think I hate Sejun. I’m not even close to him so I’m not the one judging, but I’m close to you, I’m your best friend that only want you not to hurting anymore.” He took a deep breathe. He was tired too.

“I knew that.. and thank you for worrying me.” I said with a yawn, pulling the fluffy grey blanket over me to find some comfortable warm. He tried to back fire but before he nagged me because of the lack of sincerity in my words, I added. “The thing I said before, it’s not just a nonsense to reassure you, Subin. I’m always grateful to have someone like you as a friend. But please not now, at this hour, so can we sleep? It’s getting late.”

It was not a lie though. I was so thankful to have him around. I was two years older than him and I thought he forgot about that fact but I was okay with that. He only said the truth and I knew that better than anyone. I always knew. But I was so scared of it. Whatever it was.

And just like I always knew, he knew me so well to know it was my way to runaway from this (suffering) feeling because he knew too damn well, I loved Sejun too much to give up.

Love? To be honest, I didn't really know what it actually means. I didn’t know that maybe it doesn't have any meaning or maybe everyone have their own meaning of love. And it was confusing.

++

Different from last night when Subin didn’t have any energy left, he, now, sitting in front of me in some cafe we randomly saw yesterday on way back home with a soft smile but serious look that I found myself can’t even trying to throw some dark jokes I used to said.

“Don’t try to change the topic, hyung. Don't you think it's about time you should do something to your crush? Ah.. it’s not even crush anymore, whatever is that, do something.” Subin made a strange gesture with his hands and I can’t bring myself to mocking him for that.

Silence grew for a few minutes until his impatient ass can’t hold it anymore. “Okay, I won’t ask you to forget about him or to move on from him. But please, for once, think about all these years you spent and is he worth it?”

“So.. you think he’s not worth all my time?” My voice was getting smaller as I spoke.

“I just can’t understand the point of.. this.. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s all okay. You're right, Sub, I will think about your advice.”

“It’s been 10 years, both you and him aren’t the same high schoolers anymore”

_Yeah it's been ten years but why am I like this?_

++

_‘Is he not the one?’_

This is not even the first time I’ve thought about this. I’ve done this everyday for almost 10 years. When I watched a couple holding hands beside me in the shopping mall, when I watched all my friends were getting married, when everyone around me ask me “I thought he is your boyfriend”, or anytime I have nothing to do.

I didn’t blame Subin for something he didn’t experience, not everyone loved their bestfriend this deep that everytime he called me, I smiled like an idiot, every single day, even if it was for nothing. If I didn’t get to hear him for a week I will go embarassingly extremely ridiculously grumpy. Or in other words, I will be a baby that his favorite candy get stolen.

Also to everyone who literally told me with different words but the same meaning, ‘why can’t I move on?’, I didn’t blame them.

_‘Is he not the one?’_

I also doubted this this feeling everytime but they didn’t know. It didn’t give me butterflies in the stomach everytime. Sometimes it felt like I got a knot in my stomach.

_‘Is he not the one?’_

The door bell ringing made me wake up from my queasiness. I, quickly wore my beige cardigan, ran over the door and opened it to find out it was Sejun standing in front of my house. He had his big stupid smile with dimples both in his cheeks, looking unfairly pretty even though it was still eight in the morning. Meeting him almost everyday didn’t make me stop in awe of his gorgeous face and without realizing I blushed intensely.

He was waving his right hand in front of my face. “Are you okay, baby?”

“I’m okay, Jun.” I beamed at him.

He reached my hand to lock it with his like we did yesterday or last week or 10 years ago. And I remembered when I was thinking about the meaning of love yesterday.

So, what is love? For me, maybe it's still confusing, it will keep changing, but I knew one thing for sure. I kept falling for him everytime I met him, falling everytime he smiles and falling over and over again. Didn't you think it is love?

I smiled to myself, feeling silly and I wanted to apologize to Subin but for now, for me, I was thinking that ‘ _He’s worth it_.’

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! <3


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